Oh Look I’m Allergic To Not Eating Donuts*

*Or carbs. Whatever.

It’s almost a week into the Whole30 thing and I’m still chugging up the hill going I think I can, I think I can (actually it’s something closer to I think I…what? since I’m SUPER SPACEY right now) and when I got out of the shower this morning I noticed that I have a rash. Now you’re saying lady, you ALWAYS have rashes, and about this you are not wrong, but this is a NEW rash, a DIFFERENT rash, and thusly of course I consulted Doctor Google, who told me it’s a side effect of not having carbs.

Yes. I am allergic to being healthy.

There’s apparently not a ton of information about this online; the dude who wrote the blog post I linked to above started his own site, The Keto Rash, to help people identify it and find treatments (the simplest of which is to eat more carbs).

SO! Damned if I’m going to let the Whole30 get the better of me, so I’m going to try adding more potatoes to my diet (because mmmm, potatoes) and if that doesn’t work then apparently I will itch for the next 23 days.

And then on Day 24? I am having a donut.

But I Love My Junk Food

SO, I totally failed at Holidailies. I did ONE post. One post, in which I was all “Hey guys, totally doing this,” and then…nothing.

But that is the past. Who can even remember that far back? Now we are in the distant future of 2016, the year of flying cars and jetpacks and me, doing Whole30.

What is Whole30, you ask? I will tell you. It is crazy torture a test of endurance relentless self-flagellation a dietary reset of sorts, in which test subjects participants eschew delicious inflammatory foods such as dairy, grains, legumes and sugar. For 30 days.

Let me say that again: no bread. No pastries. No BUTTER. No party-sized bags of peanut M&Ms eaten by the light of the iPad when I should be sleeping. (Which…is possibly the reason I undertook this whole endeavor in the first place.)

So far, it’s actually going relatively well, fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc. (Well, except for the part where I couldn’t figure out breakfast on the first day and ended up a twitchy neurotic blood-sugar disaster. But, again: the past! Who remembers such things?) We’re cooking a ton, and our intake of greens has increased exponentially. We’re trying out new recipes, which is fun – my Pinterest account hasn’t seen this much action in months. And I have it on good authority that at some point I won’t feel like murdering someone for a donut. Win/win!

Chime in, y’all: have you done Whole30? How did it go for you?

Holidailies. I’m doing it. My friend over at mamazing inspired me, so I’m going to steal borrow her idea for an intro. Besides, it’s been so long since I’ve blogged here even I don’t remember who I am anymore.

So! Some things about me:

  • I like cats.
  • And sleep.
  • I used to be a lot smarter.
  • I write HTML & CSS for a living.
  • Coffee is good.
  • I really want another tattoo.

Back when my first kid was wee, I jumped on the mommyblog bandwagon. He’s almost ten now. TEN. This seems impossible. I’ve got a two year old now, too, so theoretically I could enact Project Mommyblog: The Sequel, but who has that kind of energy? Mostly I just want blog entries to appear of their own volition, using correct grammar and crediting themselves to me. This does not seem like too much to ask.

But this month, I will actually write them. Probably. As far as you know.

Getting Campy

After almost a decade of parenting, I finally managed to get on top of summer camp signups.* The big kid’s going to learn web design, how to be a ninja, zip lining, windsurfing, and skateboarding. I only know how to do one of those things!

To someone who grew up the way I did** this seems like a CRAZY amount of organized activity, but the list of things we didn’t do is even longer. I got everything registered in, what, March? And already stuff like LEGO camp and Animation Camp (Animation Camp, you guys!) were entirely booked up. And then there were all the impractical to get to but so freaking cool things like Circus Camp and Ride Your Bike Around The City camp and a bunch I can’t even remember now because SO MANY CAMPS.

I never went to summer camp when I was a kid, but my husband has stories about sleep-away camps where they played around on jet skis*** and learned to do gymnastics on the backs of moving horses, so.

I’m just hoping that once the web design camp is done I can put the kid to work. Unpaid internship, here we come!

Skate Park

*Well, for one of them, anyway. Rory was supposed to do swim this summer. Sorry, second child! I promise I won’t write about it in your baby book! Ha ha, just kidding, you don’t have one.

**Euphemism for dirt poor.

***This story is almost hilariously traumatic; ask him about it sometime.

I Try Out Period Tracking Apps So You Don’t Have To

My smartphone is finally fulfilling its destiny.

I enjoy not having to remember things. It frees up valuable brain real estate for things like daydreaming about abandoned amusement park vacations and learning javascript. My phone keeps track of phone numbers, birthdays, my next meeting, the day’s weather, and how many steps I’ve taken. So why shouldn’t it track my menstrual cycle, too?

I’ll tell you why not: most period tracking apps SUCK. I can only assume the the predominance of flowers and the color pink means that they are aimed at a target market that is not me, and not just because I’m in my forties. I’m a designer. I cannot use an app that looks like a unicorn threw up all over it.

Happily, in the time between getting pregnant, having a baby, and finally getting my period back after a year and a half (thank you, breastfeeding), the selection for period tracking apps has expanded to include things that don’t make me cringe. Some of them don’t use pink at all!

I chose four free period tracking apps to try out; two are ad-supported but offer paid versions that are presumably ad-free.

(I have Things to Say, so this is going to be a long one.)  Continue reading I Try Out Period Tracking Apps So You Don’t Have To

Snacky Mouse

Influenster* sent us a fun cat toy: the Temptations Snacky Mouse. I know, it sounds like an 80s cartoon character, right? In reality it’s a little plastic cat toy/treat dispenser.

It came with the Temptations treats, which are probably fine, but Maru (our resident Fat Cat) is diabetic, so it’s a good thing you can put your own treats into the mouse. We did let him try out the Temptations for testing purposes, because he was sniffing at them and I am a sucker.

Maru with Snacky MouseMaru with Snacky MouseMaru thought this was a pretty good deal. He is fond of food of any kind, especially in treat form, and being able to bat around his treat dispenser is an added bonus.

The downside to the Snacky Mouse: just like with a real rodent, overly enthusiastic batting results in the mouse’s head flying off. And if you’ve got a one year old in addition to an enthusiastic cat, that head could end up anywhere, really. (Note: no actual rodents were harmed in the making of this post. Also, to my knowledge the baby has never absconded with an actual mouse head. Do not contact Child Services at this time.) Further product testing will resume when the mouse can be reassembled.

*Influenster sent me this product in return for a review. The opinions expressed above are all mine.

Parenting Fail: Weaning

When Ellison was 18 months old, we weaned. We did it cold turkey, and it worked beautifully. Sure, there were a couple of rough nights, but he got used it relatively quickly and painlessly and all was well.

weaning failSo when I started really feeling done* with the whole nursing thing with Rory, I figured it would work pretty much the same way.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Excuse me. Ha.

At 17 months old, Rory was not ready to wean. She was nutritionally ready – she ate a TON, and rarely wanted to nurse during the day – but emotionally she needs to nurse. I figured this out after three nights of basically zero sleep, in which she screamed uncontrollably and wouldn’t let anyone touch her, all because I calmly and firmly told her we weren’t nursing anymore.

She also began refusing to nap during the day, and developed separation anxiety like crazy. According to Dr. Sears, this is a textbook example of how not to wean.

I’ve backed off on weaning for now. I’m hoping that once we get her settled back into a routine and feeling secure we can try weaning again.

*I’m very much a fan of nursing, but I’m also a fan of my own sanity, and the two seem to be at odds with each other. Seriously, though, you want to breastfeed into toddlerhood? More power to you!