“concerned”

I’m somewhat concerned that I might be pregnant again (replace concerned with absolutely fucking terrified for that sentence to read right). I know, I know – Cranky Mama, you’re a hypochondriac and a habitual worrywart – why should this be any different? And you’re right to think that.

However: I’ve been sick to my stomach for the past few days. I had a meltdown on Saturday of epic proportions, similar in many ways to the ones I had every frimping day while pregnant. And – this is the bit that makes me really nervous – I woke up with a nosebleed the other night. What does that have to do with anything? Well, before I knew I was pregnant with Happy Fun Baby, I all of a sudden started getting nosebleeds. Nosebleeds are a common but relatively unreported side effect of pregnancy, and since it was my first actual, physical symptom last time I feel somewhat superstitious about it.

There are plenty of non-pregnancy explanations for all of this, of course. The tummy ailments were probably caused by a virus of some sort or something I ate, since a couple of days later Happy Fun Baby seemed to get the same thing. A combination of hormones, meds and depression probably contributed to the meltdown. And sometimes people just get nosebleeds.

I’m just…concerned. It’s not that we don’t want another kid. It’s not that we do, either – we’re still undecided on that one. It’s just that now wouldn’t be the best time. I had such a crappy pregnancy with Happy Fun Baby; I’m not eager to do it again. Plus, you know, research has shown that 18 months between children is optimal, and four months is somewhat short of that mark.

Since I haven’t had my first post-partum period, I’m not really sure how accurately I can test. Do I still have residual pregnancy hormones floating around?(A simple internet search would probably clear that up, but I am suddenly overcome by a fit of laziness.) And part of me thinks I’m totally being a hypochondriac about the whole thing and don’t want to dignify it with a test. Plus, you know, I have enough to worry about – if I am knocked up, I’ll figure it out soon enough, right?