come inside, it’s fun inside

I turned on the TV this morning for Happy Fun Baby (gasp! She lets her baby watch TV!) while I had my coffee, and the much-touted Mickey Mouse Clubhouse was on. I’ve been annoyed by the promo spots for weeks now, so why not watch? Ellison is enthralled. Irritating songs! Bright colors! Whee!

He tends to like preschool shows the best – stuff aimed at the 3-5 year old age group. Baby shows fill him with ennui. I think I got more of the Baby Einstein videos than he did, although there was a brief period (around 3 months old, I think) when he thought they were okay. Now, if there isn’t singing and dancing, it’s not worth his time. Singing, dancing, and possibly techno music. My kid is totally going to be in a boy band.

The show, if I were to venture to have an opinion, seems like the unholy union between Dora The Explorer and Kingdom Hearts. I hate Dora with the heat of three suns (“Backpack backpack!” ::pokes self in eye with fork::), but I do love me some Disney-branded video gaming. Thus, I will tolerate Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. I’ll pretty much tolerate anything that lets me drink my coffee in the morning. Even Dora. ::shudder::

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse follows the lead of Dora and Blue’s Clues and suchlike by “interacting” with the audience. “When you see the wrench, yell ‘wrench!'” Look – the children are shouting at the television! They must be watching something educational!

The main problem with children’s programming, for me, is refraining from making inappropriate comments. For example, Goofy just got launched into space, and I did not say “And now he’s dead! Let’s go find his corpse and experiment on it in the name of Science!” At six and a half months old, Happy Fun Baby would probably not be forever scarred by his mother’s “livening up” of some, let’s face it, pretty inane dialog (who are they trying to impress? Preschoolers?), but you never know. Besides, I need lots of practice at being appropriately mother-like.

Things that are okay to say: “People will not always agree with you.”
As long as it is not followed by: “This is because people are stupid.”

Things that are okay to say: “Some words make people uncomfortable.”
As long as it is not followed by: “Like fuck. Fuck is funny to say. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

Unfortunately, I can forsee few times when it would be appropriate to call my video game controller a stupid whore. Even when it is clearly conspiring against me while I’m trying to play Kingdom Hearts II.

…doesn’t seem to stop me, though.

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