adventures in yes men

The Best Buy saga: it continues!

You probably thought it ended with my setting fire to an effigy of a Best Buy store (cunningly crafted out of papier-mache), but yesterday I got a call from what I can only describe as a professional yes-man at the Best Buy headquarters. “I’ve done extensive research into your complaint, and let me first extend my sincere apologies on behalf of Best Buy,” he said. “We’d love the opportunity to make this right for you.”

“Go on,” I said to my voicemail, intrigued.

“I’ve been authorized to offer you the desk at a sweet discount. I’ve contacted all the warehouses in your area and I have confirmation of an actual, physical desk in stock.”

“Hmm…” I said. (You totally talk to your voicemail. Admit it.)

“Please give me a call at your earliest convenience so we can talk about this. Again, sincere apologies. All our fault. Ball dropped. Etc.” I’m paraphrasing here – at some point the obsequiousness began to blend. Not that I’m complaining, but seriously – five minute voicemail? To tell me you suck? While somewhat endearing, it does illustrate the cardinal rule of voicemail, which is: leave your number at the beginning of the message. That way, in the event of a callback, we do not have to listen to the whole damn thing again. I’m just saying.

Still – it’s a novel thing, having your ass kissed. My ass has remained stubbornly kiss-less through this whole thing. The way I look at it, I deserve to have my ass kissed at this point. (Metaphors, people. My ass, massive though it may be, is not up for literal kissing. Follow along.) Plus, we really want that desk. I hate to admit it from my perch on the moral high ground, but the desk? Pretty much exactly what we need for the office, and Best Buy has it for way, way less than anyone else.

I called Not So, and our conversation went much like this:

“Bastards!”

“But ass kissage!”

“Yes. For us! About time.”

“Yay!”

“Yay!”

So we decided to accept the “sweet discount” and allow Best Buy to attempt to insinuate themselves back into our good graces. At this point, we have yet another delivery “scheduled” (I use the term loosely, as apparently do they) for Monday. If the desk comes, I may consent to love Best Buy again, a little. If not…well…I don’t know yet. But something! Something will transpire! And it will probably involve profanity.

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