The baby just spent an hour crying. I know, all of you with colicky babies are going “An hour?” and rolling your eyes derisively, but still, it was an hour, you know? Every minute of wailing eroded my already frayed nerves to the point that I was practically in tears, too. Plus, I had to pee, but putting the baby down? So not an option.
Finally, finally, he fell asleep. I got a pacifier in his mouth and he seemed to be accepting it. I began slowly to lower him onto the bed of pillows I set up on the living room floor (because there is no chance in hell that he would let me put him down in any of the expensive and space-consuming baby containment areas that we have around the house). As I did, the horrible cat (not to be confused with the not-horrible cat, who was outside at the time, not being horrible), sensed that I might soon go near the kitchen and began to circle my ankles and yowl. Her yowl? Not particularly dulcet.
The baby woke up. Of course he did. And he started screaming. I shouted at the cat, who retreated into the kitchen, and eventually Happy Fun Baby stopped crying again. His nap, however, was a mere memory. I set him down and went into the kitchen for another glass of water (even though I still had to pee, so I don’t know where I was going with that).
Cue horrible cat. Yowling, throwing herself at my legs…you’d think we hadn’t fed her in weeks. You would, but you’d be wrong, because there was food in her bowl. Food – just not the food she wanted. She wanted fresh food. She wanted her bowl to be completely full. But, see, we’re out of cat food, so I can’t fill her bowl up at the moment. Again – she has food. But there isn’t anything I can do to convince her that it’s an acceptable amount food.
Anyway, yowling. So what did I do?
I poured an entire glass of water on my cat’s head.
I don’t feel good about it. But it did get her to shut the hell up.
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