days all blend when you’re sleep-deprived

I meant to post yesterday, or possibly the day before. I might have said something pithy having to do with parenthood, or amusing having to do with current events, or profound having to do with web design. I might have, but I didn’t, and do you know why? Because I haven’t had anything resembling a full night’s sleep since July.

However I did do some other things, which include (in no particular order):

  • The Salmon Nation Block Party, for which we were somewhat early (see above re: not sleeping) and at which we did not stay long because there was a coffee-spilling incident with involved Not So’s white shirt (and, surprisingly, did not involve the baby, at least not this time).
  • Target, at which a baby gate was procured. Unfortunately this also involved breaking my record of No Blow-Outs While Out and About. It was tragic, really. And messy. If you saw a woman grimly rushing toward the restrooms and then emerging with a shirtless baby (it was that bad) – that was me!
  • Sip & Krantz, which has the best play area ever AND is all snooty and minimalist. It’s like they designed it just for me! And for all you know, they did.
  • Worked on logo designs for a jewelry designer and an HR consultant (separately, although HR jewelry consulting? Highly underrated)
  • Did school stuff, because school stuff needed to be done
  • Did not update several other blogs, even though I meant to
  • Laundered a great deal (see above re: blow-outs)

Notice that nowhere on that list is “Catch up on my sleep.” That is because Happy Fun Baby is cutting not one, not two, not three…you know where this is going. FIVE TEETH. I can see them all poking through his gums to varying degrees. Apparently this is rather uncomfortable for him, because there has been much screaming and crying and kvetching. The only thing that seems to help is letting him chew on his Robeez. Yes, that’s my kid, chewing on his shoe. When he’s not chewing on footwear he’s demanding to be held. On the upside he’s begun saying “Mama” quite clearly, although apparently by “Mama” he means “I hate everything oh my god you people suck.” He also says “Gey,” by which he means “Kitty.” I think I am getting the short end of the stick.

I also started and then threw aside in disgust two books: Get Your Body Back: Lose Weight, Gain Energy, and Get Fit After Having Your Baby by Anita Weil Bell and Sleeping Through the Night, Revised Edition by Jodi A. Mindell. Both seemed like such a good idea at the library, and both managed to irritate me before I was more than two chapters in. The sleep book started out on a sour note: one of the listed impediments to sleeping through the night was cosleeping. Guess I should have checked that before bringing it home. The weight-loss book took a little longer to grate on my nerves, but finally lost my interest when the author suggested that demanding more help from your husband was merely a symptom of rampaging hormones and too much junk food. (I’m paraphrasing.) Also that some women hang on to as much as 20 pounds of baby weight. Yeah, fuck you too. My 40 pounds of jiggling cellulite didn’t want to be in your club anyway.

We are dieting, Not So and I, although in more of a “changing our diet to include actual fruits and vegetables and excluding things like cake” sense than any calorie-counting hoo-ha. Yes, I just said hoo-ha. Deal with it. It’s Day 3 and I don’t actually miss sugar the way I thought I would, although I am SO HUNGRY I COULD EAT A HORSE OMG. I want potatoes, and chicken, and things involving cheese. I clearly have psychological issues, because I have consumed (and am continuing to consume) an adequate amount of food. But.

So that’s how it is in the Cranky household: no sleep, no treats, and no pants. Ha! I kid. It’s only the baby who isn’t wearing pants.

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