not that kind of carded

Since I needed socks, Happy Fun Baby and I went to Macy’s, which is in the old Meyer & Frank building and still has construction going on, like, everywhere. They’re having this crazy One Day Sale right now and I thought, what the hell, I have some time to kill. Plus, socks. It is boot weather, and all of my boot-length socks have holes in the toes.

So I bought socks (3 for $15, woo hoo!) and a hat (…on sale? 40% off? Is that a good excuse?) and figured, well, I’m here, I might as well wander over to the shoe section. Macy’s, as you may know, has the kick-assenist clearance racks on the planet. The wee red signs declaring 50% off of already reduced prices make my heart go pitter-patter.

On the way to the shoe section we were routed by various construction-related plywood mazes through the cosmetics section, and that’s where it all started to fall apart. An extremely lab-coated Clinique rep planted herself directly in my path. “Our gloss is on sale!” she said. Um. Yay? I may have been asking for it. I may have looked like a woman in need of gloss. “What color do you like? Pink?” she continued, while subtly but inexorably maneuvering me into a cosmetic-counter chair. She had a very pronounced…lisp? All of her “r”s sounded like “w”s.

“I don’t wear pink,” I said, uselessly, while she prepared a sample.

“Well, this isn’t really pink.” This isn’t weawwy pink.

I tried the sample, bemused.  It actually looked kind of good, but I had no intention of buying gloss. I don’t even wear gloss. “I’ll think about it,” I started to say, but she was already handing me an application for a Macy’s card.

“You know you’ll save 15% today when you get approved. It’s only two minutes.”

“Oh, I’m sure I won’t get approved,” I said, but the pen was in my hand.

“Two minutes. I’ll just put your number in the system and we’ll see. It can’t hurt to try, right?”

Five minutes later I had not only a Macy’s card but also a cunning set of Clinique glosses.

I got carded.

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