I have had just about all I can take of myself.- S. N. Behrman
The world is conspiring against me this morning. First, there was the living room, which seemed so promising. I’d asked Not So to do the floor after we went to bed. Something about a floor in the process of being cleaned is irresistible to a toddler. Piles of dirt! Brooms! Shiny shiny mopped areas! You try convincing him to stay put on the couch while all of this obviously fun activity is taking place at his feet. All in all it’s much, much easier (not to mention faster) to clean when the baby is elsewhere.
Not So had, indeed, cleared the floor, which prompted an initial bout of mama-related glee, but once I actually got into the living room it seemed that’s as far as it went. The couch and the chairs were piled with toys, but no actual sweeping or mopping had occurred. Which…sigh. Is fine. But confusing, as was the bewildering decision to leave some of the needing-to-be-washed clothing at the foot of the stairs and some of it on the couch, and the half-eaten bag of goldfish crackers not only open but perched, precariously, on its side at the edge of the desk. The whole thing had an air of arrested progress, as though Not So had suddenly been disappeared in the middle of cleaning. Only he came to bed at some point, so the disappearing must have been temporary.
So I quickly swept while the baby was distracted by the piles of toys, gathered up all the laundry and put away the goldfish crackers and then got started making coffee. By this time Happy Fun Baby had grown weary of the toys and decided to pass the time by eating my mouse. Not cool, Happy Fun Baby! I shouted at him, which I don’t feel good about at all (although he thought it was HI-LARIOUS) and went back into the kitchen to take a handful of Calm pills and a B vitamin and have a moment to get a freaking grip. Because do I want to be the sort of parent who shouts at her child? I do not.
In the desert I saw a creature, naked, bestial, who, squatting upon the ground, Held his heart in his hands, And ate of it. I said, “Is it good, friend?” “It is bitter — bitter,” he answered; “But I like it Because it is bitter, And because it is my heart.”- Stephen Crane, “III in The Black Riders and Other Tales”
The best way to get over an irrational bout of anger is to kiss a baby. Preferably my baby, since he is so imminently kissable. He also has the added bonus of being particularly nearby. We ate some cereal, and we watched some Wonder Pets, and we peeled an index card off the desk where it had apparently become stuck because of a heretofore unknown incident with a water glass, and then we decided to take a video of the aforementioned kissable baby, who was being unmentionably adorable and babbling in a way that causes my heart to burst with the cute.
At this time it was revealed that the new camera had been put…somewhere. So we tore apart the room with a mounting sense of frustration – finding, as we did, that our phone (and did you notice that we have lapsed into the plural?) was quite dead and in need of a charge, which reminded us that Not So had mentioned the batteries on the camera dying yesterday when he was taking some test shots.
Nothing, of course, begins at the time you think it did.- Lillian Hellman, “An Unfinished Woman”
The batteries were, in fact, on the charger, but the camera was still nowhere to be found. I eventually located it on a shelf in the kitchen. So, okay. Batteries inserted. Camera ready to go. Or…was it? Apparently being battery-less all night had wiped its internal memory, because before I could get it going I had to re-enter the date and time info. By this time, of course, Happy Fun Baby had grown weary of prattling adorably and was sitting on the floor chewing on the end of his broom. Which, while cute, does not a compelling video make.
It doesn’t really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist’s chair or let your hands lie in your lap. The drill drills on.- CS Lewis, “A Grief Observed”
So, yes. That’s been my morning. Some days you just have to take a look at it all and roll your eyes, because that sound you hear is the laughter of the gods, and it’s not going away any time soon. Not that I believe in god, mind you, but I sure as hell believe in schadenfreude.
All quotes from:The Quote Cache
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