My friend cleaned out her closets the other day and gave me all her fat clothes. As she is someone of impeccable style, this was somewhat like Christmas…albeit a depressing and demoralizing Christmas. So, just like Christmas!
Suddenly my closet contains more than just some skirts and a single, sad business suit that never really fit properly to begin with. I have pants! Pants, I tell you! And shirts! Shirts I can button over my massive chest-area!
Obviously I find this somewhat exciting.
As a result of this sudden clothes-having, I’ve been motivated to actually get dressed most mornings, and that means I am continually having to answer the question “What shoes will I wear with this?” Eagle-eyed readers will remember the sad, sad day last year when I realized none of my pre-pregnancy shoes would fit on my suddenly huge and plank-like feet*, which meant that several years’ worth of careful shoe-collecting and meticulous sale-scouring were all dumped unceremoniously in a large box in the storage closet. Since then I’ve managed to acquire a pair of sneakers (white) and a pair of warm boots, but aside from that? Not a whole lot.
After yesterday’s internet debacle, I decided to spend some quality time at Shoe Pavilion. I’ve been wanting some cute, sporty little Mary Jane-inspired flats, and they had them in spades…just not in my size. This is nothing new. Apparently those of us whose feet are size 9 and larger do not require such things as “shoes.”
However, I found myself being drawn to a section I rarely visit: the Dansko section. Dansko, in case you don’t know, makes a series of clunky, clog-like shoes that are rumored to be terribly comfortable, much like Birkenstocks, but like Birkenstocks, I have always given them a wide berth. I was a Goth, after all. Goths do not wear comfortable shoes. Granted, my current choice in footwear is an ancient pair of Ugg knock-offs, but still.
The pair I kept coming back to was the least clog-like of the bunch; a cute, clunky Mary Jane. I’d walk by, check them out, walk away again. It was very single-girl-in-a-bar. “What’s a cute pair of Mary Janes doing in a place like this? Oh – you’re Dansko. Oh. Uh – go to any health-food stores lately? Ha, ha. I’m totally kidding. But, uh – did you?” I tried on some other shoes, but they were all just eh. I mean, if I had enough free cash to buy a new pair of shoes every couple of months, there were definitely some contenders…but since my footwear purchases are few and far between, I want to make the most of them. And the Danskos, they beckoned. Also, they were on sale for $45.
Long story short, I am now the owner of a pair of suspiciously clog-like Dansko Mary Janes. True to rumor, they are insanely comfortable, and with some stripey tights and a black dress might even pass as Gothy. Although given my current lifestyle, the health food store scenario? Somewhat more likely.
* It is only fair to note that my feet are actually a size 9 1/2, which was another unwelcome revelation but one I feel obligated to point out, lest anyone feel I should be building character by cramming my feet into my old shoes. A half size: maybe. A whole size? That’s way more character than I need.