some things I’ve realized

1. My house is never going to be really “nice.” I’m messy. Not So’s messy. We have a toddler. All of these things mean that we’re lucky when we can see the floor & the dishes aren’t overflowing out of the sink.

2. I am really, really bad at contacting people. I’m great at replies, but as far as making contact? I suck. Still have a bit of social anxiety in my system, obviously.

3. Having cute jeans that fit counts for a lot.

4. I do not like wine. Also, it gives me migraines. But on top of that, I don’t like it, and I never have, despite the fact that I really, really want to be the sort of person who likes wine.

5. My kid is capable of entertaining himself for a full nine hours while his mother huddles, feverish and full of excruciating sinus pain, under a pile of blankets. This is a Good Thing (as is the fact that Not So was able to come home for lunch to make the kid a sandwich & put on a new DVD. Which I would have done, but not competently).

6. I have a tendency to be overly ambitious. Oh my god, I know! You are all shocked at this, but it’s true.

7. I think my depression might be creeping back, and I’m contemplating talking to my doctor about upping my Wellbutrin. Is it so bad that my corresponding train of thought involved “…and maybe I’ll lose even more weight”?

4 thoughts on “some things I’ve realized”

  1. 1. As long as there is a place for everything and everything has it’s place, it’s alright. I think people will get that you have a kid in the house. 🙂

    2. I know the feeling. Sometimes you just don’t know what to say. Sometimes you know you’ll say the wrong things. Sometimes all you need to do is close your eyes and go “la la la la la!!”. For doing that for a first contact situation does leave a skewed impression of you.

    3. Having jeans that fit for me leaves much to be desired for.

    4. I was never a wine person. I could never appreciate wine either. Spirits on the other hand are a different story.

    5. Sounds like your kid would probably take care of you in no time. 🙂

    6. Overly ambitious? There is no such thing. Just ambitious and everything that comes from it. 🙂

    7. I…well…being someone who has been suffering from depression for a decade without any medication, I can say that sometimes you need something to hold on to. Something or someone what will always remind you to stand fast where you are. The darkness might never go away, but at least we can look back at it in appreciation that its there and we’re not going to fall prey to it.

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  2. 1. Acceptance of one’s limitations is (sorry Martha) a Good Thing. Whose voice is it that says your house has to be “nice”? What does that even mean? Your house is a house–it’s a place where you live and eat and sleep and love. It may be a reflection of you, but it isn’t you. Y’know what I mean? As long as it doesn’t look like there are goat paths through piles of detritus, it’s nice enough.

    2. Social anxiety sucks. I think reaching out to people is a lot like learning a foreign language. When you first start learning a foreign language, you understand more than you can actually speak. Making contact is the speaking part. It’s a skill that improves with practice…which is really hard to do when you have a toddler, a sinus infection, and a looming case of PPD. Be kind to yourself. It will come with time and persistence.

    3. and 4. Cute jeans rock. You do not have to like wine, esp if it gives you a migraine and you’re taking Wellbutrin. Antidepressants and alcohol aren’t a good combo. Life is too short to be miserable so drink what you like, but easy on the alcohol for now, k?

    5. Small children can be amazingly independent. This is also a Good Thing.

    6. Overly ambitious? I would have never guessed. 😉

    7. See “Be kind to yourself” and just keep breathing. Know that you are loved by many. This too shall pass. It would be nice if it were sooner than later, but hey…When in doubt, blog or create. Do what feeds your spirit. This will help. Promise.

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  3. Hey! I just wanted to say — again — that I LOVE your blog.

    Also, (and even though you don’t know me) I thought I would give you a virtual *hug* — I battled ppd after the birth of my son and went on effexor…not sure if it really helped…maybe just putting some distance between my family and my husband’s parents “cured” me. lol

    I hope that a dosage increase helps ya, though. Depression is no fun.

    Anyway, your blog is the highlight of my week. Truly. Thank you for sharing your insights with everyone!

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