We started watching Heroes a couple of years ago, and at first we were just gobsmacked by how good it was. But the latest season just blows, and after re-reading the TWOP recaps of past episodes, I’ve got some things to talk about, y’all, and it ain’t pretty. Also: SPOILERS!
(Spoilers through Season 3, Episode 13 (“Dual”). Links mostly go to Wikipedia, because that is how I roll.)
Inconsistencies and irritations, in no particular order:
Did we ever find out who Claude was hiding? I realize, not necessarily an inconsistency, but I still wanted to know. Plus: Claude!
WTF, Eric Roberts? You’re nice now? Er, then? And then you go all nutbar on HRG and fam after you let Meredith go because you felt bad for her? Is you Primatech or is you Primatech? Also, the character was so inconsistently written that I actually forgot he’d been on the show previously.
In Our Father, poor wee Hiro is dealing with the death of his mother. Where the hell is Kimiko? Is she seriously so overlooked that her dying mother, wanting to “keep it in the family,” doesn’t even consider her for the keeping of the catalyst? She takes over the company, and yet, no one speaks her name ever, ever again. Did
Sulu Kaito have her rubbed out for being a girl or something? For serious, she should at least have been mentioned after Kaito died, am I right?
Bennet: So all he cares about is revenge and being useless? Uselessly going around trying to get revenge? He used to be the show’s evil backbone, people! We used to get all goosebumpy when he came on screen! And he used to love Claire (and Sandra and Lyle, though you could be forgiven for forgetting all about Lyle because it’s obvious the writers have) more than life itself, enough to erase bits of his brain and get himself shot just to keep everyone safe. And yet. We’ve got him running off after Sylar and Elle, with Claire all shot and not healing. And generally being a self-absorbed jerk before that, what with the trying to get Sylar vortexed and the ever having Elle as a partner. Bennet: I wash my hands of you.
And Elle. I loved Elle. I loved how completely and utterly unhinged she was, and with good reason! Pushed to exercise her power until she passed out when she was seven. On a lithium drip at nine. Spent the last sixteen years living in the Company compound, ever since she was declared a paranoid sociopath. Remember how she used to pet Peter after she’d shock him? Cute. Except…what’s this? Underneath it all, she was just…a regular girl? I’m sorry, no. No no no. Elle is batshit. Elle is insane. Elle HAS ISSUES. She does not secretly pine for Sylar, whom she did not meet previously in a stunningly stupid bit of retcon that not only tried to make Sylar into a victim but also made Elle apparently sweet and in possession of a conscience. She killed that Irish guy just because she felt like it! And only felt bad about the fact that her daddy was mad at her! This is not a girl who feels guilt for making Sylar into a monster. And whatevs, Kring, your timeline is wrong anyway. Plus, given HRG’s reaction to Elle in S2, they were never previously partnered, for Christ’s sake.
When did Ali Larter stop being able to act? Remember when you could tell the difference between Niki and Jessica just by the way Larter carried herself? Yeah, not seeing much of that this season. Tracy goes from self-assured to OMG WTF ICE HANDS to whatever, I’m evil now and barely bothers to change expression. It doesn’t help that she’s so poorly written that her actions make no sense and her motivation seems to change with the wind.
Oh, but it’s all about the eclipses, now, apparently, which turn abilities on and off like a switch, never mind that Adam lived for what, 400 years? During which there were eclipses which didn’t render him all dead and decaying at any point, so screw that noise, writing staff. Also, tying abilities to adrenaline: lame.
Linderman: Wasn’t he a badass? Back when Linderman was all evil, he was like “Nathan – your daddy, he wanted to make a difference,” but then in the S3 flashback he’s all “Papa Petrelli, why are you so mean?” and then heals poor Angela’s swiss-cheese brain out of the goodness of his heart. Of course, that’s the same flashback that painted Angela as a downtrodden housewife who only comes into her own after poisoning her controlling husband, so…what show were we watching, again? I’d be happy to have that retconned out of existence, thank you very much.
Because Angela, she is many things, but devoted housewife is not one of them. This is the woman who was willing to blow up her youngest son in a strategic move to get Nathan into the White House. The woman dreams the future; ain’t no way she spent the majority of her marriage playing Hubby Knows Best. Yes, I get that they decided Papa Petrelli had mind mojo, but whatevs: dreams the future trumps gives selective amnesia. (Except, wasn’t it cool when her power was revealed and you realized that the prophetic dreaming, not the flying, was the first power Peter absorbed? Okay, maybe that was just me.) Plus, why does she have to be anything but ball-busting? During the S1 flashback on the roof of dead Simone’s father’s place (or whatever) she was all “Peter’s weak. This bomb is going to go off.” This was well before Papa P. bit it, remember. I liked Angela ruthless and cold.
Speaking of, when was she sleeping with Kaito? Remember she said “Not for a long time” when Parkman was interrogating her after Kaito bit it, so…when? After his wife died, one would presume, which suggests Mama Petrelli was stepping out on Papa Petrelli, which – look, if you’re trying to paint her as a frustrated housewife taking regular trips to the brainwash courtesy her controlling husband, you can’t also have her banging her husband’s friends, that’s all I’m saying.
“A chosen one among you who carries the purity of blood, the ‘light’ to safeguard against the darkness.” That’s what Dead!Kaito said re: the catalyst. Okay. Except the ‘light’ is actually, you know, light (cheesiest effect ever, BTW) and safeguarding against the darkness actually means…what, exactly? Because all the catalyst seems to be is the finishing touch on a serum which will give superhero abilities to everyone, and that doesn’t seem to be too safeguard-y, if you ask me.
Daphne‘s fine, I guess, except for the fact that they apparently hadn’t thought her backstory through as of ep 3.2, in which Hiro and Ando find a first place medal she won in the 12th grade for the 100 yard dash. It’s even more impressive when you realize she must have won the dash in her leg braces.
And then there’s Sylar‘s redemption/betrayal/oops just kidding I really want to eat brains again. WTF, writing staff? There’s this thing, it’s called character development. We thought you were utilizing it but it turned out it was too much work so you figured you’d just take it all back. Again: TF? Waffle-making Future!Sylar? Interesting. Current Sylar trying to be a better person? Interesting. Never mind, I’m Evil!Sylar? SO OVER THAT OMG. And the flip-flopping between Angela and (for no visible reason) Arthur was just…dumb. I went along with it for a while thinking it was all going to come together in the end, but since all that happened was that Sylar eats brains again (yes I know, he doesn’t really eat them) I stand by my original assessment. Dumb. With an extra helping of dumb sauce. And now Sylar’s “dead” again, and…*yawn* oh sorry, was I supposed to be paying attention?
And, okay. Futures. So Future!Hiro shows up in S1 to say hi to Peter and be all oogy and “You are not alone” – fine. Okay. And Future!Hiro is obv way, way oogier than Current!Hiro, and by Current I mean “In any subsequent season including this one.” Is this because the future has been changed to many damn times that Hiro is doomed to speak English with an accent for the rest of his life, or is he going to, like, accidentally spend ten years in another century (again) and get all buff and soul-patched? I will be sad if Future!Hiro goes the way of the dodo. Except I don’t want Ando to bite it either, so maybe a slightly less hardcore version of Future!Hiro would be okay. But, hey, apparently it doesn’t matter how much you fuck with the past, because the future doesn’t actually change! Witness Future!Peter and the clusterfuck that was the first half of Season 3.
Speaking of Future!Hiro: The last issue of 9th Wonders is ‘Hiro in the Future.’ It involves the first time Hiro went to the future, when Sylar was president and Peter was all hot and Matrix-y. That was the very last issue of 9th Wonders, which we know because we saw Mystery Sock hand it to the messenger and then get all brain-sucked right after. There’s no way he bequeathed anything else to any other bike messengers, despite Seth Green’s adorable exposition.
You want to know how much this show sucks now? Adrian Pasdar is not hot anymore. It has eclipsed the hotness of the Pasdar. That’s not right, y’all.