how i went to the doctor with cysts and came out with prozac

The cyst saga: it continues.

So here’s a thing: apparently the “many” cysts that showed up on the sonogram in New York have turned into two little book-end cysts, one in each ovary. Good news, right? Except for the part where they still cause me excruciating pain once a month, yes!

So no surgery for me; it seems that my body is well on the way to reabsorbing the cysts. KaiserDoc suggested going on the Pill for a few months so I wouldn’t ovulate; I explained that the Pill makes me crazy (bad-crazy, not fun-party-time crazy) and besides, wouldn’t that pretty much put the kibbosh on the whole second-kid question? We went back-and-forth for a bit, her saying “…or we could just do nothing” and me going “Um, PAIN,” punctuated by her leaving for ten minutes to take a phone call, which – professional! But what it came down to was that I’m not entirely comfortable with playing Russian roulette with my hormones, especially when there’s no guarantee it’s going to work.

KaiserDoc was reasonably sympathetic, in the way you sympathize with the crazy lady on the bus who tells you she’s misplaced her tinfoil hat. And speaking of crazy: I said maybe there was some magic combo of hormones and anti-depressants that might just mitigate some of the crazy, and KaiserDoc sort of jumped on that, giving me a delightful run-around about how she can’t recommend any one thing or combination of things because “everyone reacts differently” (which: OBVIOUSLY, but maybe as a DOCTOR you have SOME IDEA of which BCPs are most compatible with the chronically depressed, since I am REASONABLY CERTAIN I am not the first person in the world to be in this position) finally saying “Well, let’s just start you on Prozac and then re-visit the birth control pill idea after a few months.” So, basically: take some pills and quit being a crazy person, and then get back to me. Nice.

I’m not saying I shouldn’t be on meds, but, dude. Way to play up every stereotype of an insurance-company run health care conglomerate, KaiserDoc! Perhaps you can also sign me up for the newsletter – oh. You did. Right, thanks for that.

She did give me some Vicodin, too. So now I can be really high and also in pain. Yay!

7 thoughts on “how i went to the doctor with cysts and came out with prozac”

  1. Ok, you are HYSTERICAL! But I so feel your pain. I just recieved my results and have a cyst on the left ovary. I had to restrain from blasting the nurse that told me my doc wants me to wait 6-8 wks to see if reabsorbs by then. What the _ell! I am a basket case trying to cope w/ the excruciating pain. I’ll go see a GYN in 4 wks. I hope she decides to DO something about it b/c I’ve been dealing w/ this mess for about 6 mos, I only thought I had sciatica issues b/c of the pain in my back. Off to bed and heating pad I go. Thank you so much for sharing, I needed a go laugh.

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  2. Don’t you just love the Kaiser? Is there any way you can get a referral to either an ob/gyn or an endocrinologist at that fine establishment? Blood work to determine what’s causing the cysts is probably going to be a lot more helpful than taking the shotgun approach and just treating symptoms. On the plus side, your cysts are reabsorbing and not just continuing to grow, but on the minus, OW. Having dealt with this not that long ago, you have my heartfelt sympathy.

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  3. I guess I don’t get how the Prozac is conducive to pregnancy and a healthy baby, it’s a category C drug and has been shown to cause lung and bladder problems in newborns.

    A pregnancy should help with your cysts .so that’s my recommendadtion , however , cysts for because of annovulation or ovulation gone wrong. Ya need to figure out which one is your problem because if you’re not releasing an egg then ..you can figure out the rest .

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  4. This is probably not the most appropriate post on which to write this, but I ended up here randomly and have just laughed. I scrolled down and read and you are funny. You probably know this already.
    I am sorry about these ovary issues; that certainly sounds most horrible. I hope it is resolved for you very soon.
    Thanks for a late-night chuckle. (I feel terrible saying that in light of the content of this post, it’s the way you write though!)

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  5. You so do not want to be on Prozac. My wife has ovarian cysts. Prozac was not her friend. Get a glucophage; have your doc read the literature, it is indicated for ovarian cysts. If you need an anti-depressant, get Zoloft or Welbutrin.

    The pill actually does help, for a while. Your cysts create too much of some hormone that the pill counteracts. But the hormones in the pil will probably make you more “nuts”.

    Ovarian cysts suck. Even with meds my wife is still prone to bouts of depression. I realize everyone is different, and your symptoms may react positively to Prozac. (As an aside, Prozac kills your mojo, warn your husband.)

    God bless, and good luck.

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    1. Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your wife’s cysts, Chris! Glucophage wouldn’t be right for mine since I don’t have PCOS (just your run-of-the-mill hemorrhagic cysts, which are really pretty harmless aside from all the ouch) but I appreciate the rec. Here’s hoping the Prozac works out for me!

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