Breaking Dawn in Fifteen Minutes is HERE
Your reason for being online today: let me show you it. (Seriously, click through. You won’t be sorry.)
Casa de Swan
EDWARD: Before I go out to my Vampire Bachelor Party, Bella… there’s something I have to tell you. About myself.
BELLA: Are you… gay?
EDWARD: Subsequent events will prove that this is not the case, no.
BELLA: Are you not a virgin?
BOTH OF THEM: LOL
BELLA: No, seriously, what, then?
EDWARD: Well… back in the ’30s… I had a rebellious phase where, orphaned by my real parents, I stalked the mean streets of a dark city, to vam and to pire those who would make the innocent their victims, and I brooded over it broodsomely 24/7.
BELLA: So… basically, you were Batman. Vampire Batman.
EDWARD: With a jaunty cap, yes.
EMMETT [outside]: HEY BRO YOU GONNA PARTY OR WHAT?
BELLA: So are there, like, Victorian strippers in the woods or something?
EDWARD: Nah, just a few mountain lions. Party platter of bear and elk.
A Scene That Must Have Happened
EMMETT: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!