could be

Now that Not So and I have a baby, a full-time job (him) and almost full-time school (me), it’s abundantly clear that we’ve been squandering valuable time with the whole “sleeping” thing. Time that could be used for a start-up. I look back on the lazy days when all we did was work and sleep and occasionally go out dancing and I say ha! Those days will never come again! Not in the forseeable future, anyway!

So far starting a business is much like playing office. When I was a kid, my father rented some office space in Redding to use as a photography studio; the back room still had desks and chairs that the previous tenant had left behind, and my brother and sister and I spent hours back there pretending to be secretaries. Given my subsequent secretary-ness, it was creepily prescient, but at the time – good fun!

Our current business venture is much like that. There’s really no pressure to get anything done, since Not So is keeping his day job and I’m home all day anyway, but I find myself wanting to work on it every free second I have – including when I ought to be sleeping. This is creating new and exciting adventures in insomnia. Happy Fun Baby and I slept until noon today – he was up most of the night doing his Rockettes routine, and I was up envisioning ways to market my design skills. Or maybe it was the other way around. You know how I love to high kick.

Now that I have something to occupy my brain, oddly enough, my depression has receded. Apparently it’s not idle hands that are the problem; it’s idle synapses. Either that or the Zoloft is finally doing its thing. Hard to say, really, and more to the point: who cares? I feel relatively good, and I certainly don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. (Disgusting saying, that. Also: poor horse.)

ooh, pretty

Site has lovely new theme (Tarski) and header (me). I keep pulling up the page just to admire my handiwork. The husband, he mocks.

I’m having issues with both WordPress and our server, though, and my issue is that they’re both too slow. I’m an instant gratification sort of girl, and not being able to access my site when I want to sets my teeth on edge. The server issue should be resolved relatively soon; it was hacked, and apparently still has emotional issues, but those are being worked out with therapy and the help of a new router. WordPress might be another story. I like the idea of WordPress. It’s all open-source and easy install and let’s be BFF, kay? And I want to be BFF, I do, but I also want my site to load quickly, and so far it isn’t happening.

I’m using version 2.0, and I guess there’s a 2.0.2, but the upgrade looks like it’ll be a bitch. Not that I handle that side of things; it’d be a bitch for Not So, and I don’t even know if upgrading would help. (Anyone with WordPress wisdom please weigh in on this.) I’ve considered switching to MovableType, but like I said, I want to love WordPress. And I love the way my site looks now, so I’m not eager to re-do it. We’ll see, though. One more day of constantly hitting the refresh key might change my mind.

where she stops, nobody knows

Technical difficulties galore, both of the internet and of the brain.

Internet: server went down (boo!) so site was offline for several days. I feel certain this was noticed by someone other than me.

Brain: Zoloft has, thus far, failed to transform me into a cheerful, optimistic person. Shocking! I am, however, developing new and exciting levels of anxiety. Now, not only does worry keep me from falling asleep, it actually wakes me up! Yes, I wake up in the middle of the night simply to stress out about things. The muscles in my neck are like rocks right now.

We’re taking Happy Fun Baby on his first plane ride tomorrow morning, which I’m sure is contributing to the anxiety. Flying with baby! Will he cry? Will there be a hassle getting through security? Will I get in trouble for holding him on my lap (as opposed to buying him his own seat)? Will the airline lose our luggage? Then there is the secondary worry about seeing my old friends for the first time since giving birth. I’m at least 40 pounds heavier than I was when I last visited, and the thought that people will look at me and think Wow, she’s really let herself go won’t leave me alone. I’ve never had this kind of body issue before; it’s novel.

Since I’m devoid of actual, non-anxiety related content today, I will leave you with a link to an amazing cartoon from Minimum Security about South Dakota Senator Bill Napoli and his ideas about women and choice.