is it monday already?

It’s Monday. And it’s June. How the hell did that happen?

I foolishly jinxed myself a couple of weeks ago by saying – out loud – that I intended to take some time off in June. Now, of course, I am inundated with unsolicited projects, which is lovely, of course, because I love my job, but also a wee bit frustrating. (Not that my “time off” would be actual time off, per se – I have a novel to finish, after all, and a toddler to…toddle, and a house that desperately craves some TLC, or a reasonable facsimile thereof.) So I’m torn between doing a happy little dance because I’ve got new projects and kicking things. I could always do both! That’s the principle behind Goth dancing, after all.

But I did manage to kick last week’s Cold of Death after only a day and a half of real illness. YAY, IMMUNE SYSTEM! Managed to kick it and still get the house tidy enough to have a friend over on Friday. I never have friends over! It was glorious, and why don’t I do that more? I mentioned the social anxiety thing in my last post, but what I don’t think I mentioned is that my social anxiety is SO MUCH BETTER NOW. Seriously, the Wellbutrin might not have done a lot for my, you know, chronic depression, but it went to town on my social anxiety.

Used to be, I literally could not be in a crowd of people without feeling like I was stuck inside my head. You know, watching the whole thing from about three feet back and cringing every time I spoke? Yeah, was not what I would call “good.” But ever since I started taking the meds, I’ve had no problem being in group situations. Even if there’s more than two people in the room, I feel like I’m actually present. It’s so neat!

Curiously, the lingering bits of social anxiety seem to coalesce around the making and execution of plans. I still hate contacting people. I still would rather poke myself repeatedly in the eye than actually call someone on the phone. And I still spend the time leading up to a social engagement in a state of hair-rending panic, imagining all the myriad ways I could make a fool of myself and cause everyone to forever shun me, which I probably did the last time they invited me anywhere, and they probably just invited me this time to be polite, and OMG I SHOULD JUST STAY HOME.

But as long as I ignore all that, I always have a fantastic time. And it’s getting easier to ignore, sort of. Sort of. Depending.

In other news, I posted another video post. Whee!

some things I’ve realized

1. My house is never going to be really “nice.” I’m messy. Not So’s messy. We have a toddler. All of these things mean that we’re lucky when we can see the floor & the dishes aren’t overflowing out of the sink.

2. I am really, really bad at contacting people. I’m great at replies, but as far as making contact? I suck. Still have a bit of social anxiety in my system, obviously.

3. Having cute jeans that fit counts for a lot.

4. I do not like wine. Also, it gives me migraines. But on top of that, I don’t like it, and I never have, despite the fact that I really, really want to be the sort of person who likes wine.

5. My kid is capable of entertaining himself for a full nine hours while his mother huddles, feverish and full of excruciating sinus pain, under a pile of blankets. This is a Good Thing (as is the fact that Not So was able to come home for lunch to make the kid a sandwich & put on a new DVD. Which I would have done, but not competently).

6. I have a tendency to be overly ambitious. Oh my god, I know! You are all shocked at this, but it’s true.

7. I think my depression might be creeping back, and I’m contemplating talking to my doctor about upping my Wellbutrin. Is it so bad that my corresponding train of thought involved “…and maybe I’ll lose even more weight”?

and how might you be?

You know, I was going to post something substantive and clever, but then I realized that I left the diapers at home. The office is now somewhat…odoriferous. Thusly, I leave you with these three things:

1. I posted a new video rant – scroll down if you’re on my site, or go see it on Viddler, or look for it in your rss feed or whatever. Or ignore it completely. So many options! (Note: it looks like Viddler’s having some issues, so hang tight if you can’t see the video & try again later.)(Seems to be back up now…)

2. Is Russel T. Davies the UK’s answer to Joss Whedon? Discuss.

3. I have 61,300 words on my book. Who wants to make guesses on how many words I’ll cut in this round of edits? Winner gets to be a background character.

Off I go to decontaminate the toddler. Here’s hoping we have the elevator to ourselves!

bore da

So I’m teaching myself Welsh. Yes! I am a crazy person. I can’t tell you that in Welsh yet, of course. Currently I am limited to basic introductions (Good morning! I am Jessica!) and the declaration that I am going to a club. (I am not going to a club, actually, but I could tell people I am. In Wales.)

I was inspired, of course, by a combination of too much Doctor Who/Torchwood (Cardiff is so pretty!) and Not So’s flat disbelief in the idea (“You’re going to teach yourself Welsh. Really.”) which is CLEARLY A CHALLENGE. So what if I have no talent for languages? I will learn Welsh, yo, and then we will go to Wales and I will converse with the locals and it will be glorious.

Moving on.

But, yeah, that’s what 34 has been so far: unrealistic goals, undertaken with great enthusiasm. Could be worse, yeah? My birthday was surprisingly Not Terrible, and it involved a gift of perfume from my beloved and a vast amount of chocolate cake. Can it be my birthday everyday, maybe? And we got our tax return, too, so it’s like my birthday and Christmas, only minus the pathos! It was good timing, too, because our DVD player picked last week to completely lose its little electronic mind. This could have been tragic (small child + me trying to work – televised entertainment = DOOM) but we were all flush with cash and financially irresponsible and splurged on a high-def Blu-Ray player. Hey, it was on sale! And we already have a high-def TV, so, really, it was almost sensible. (Need any purchases justified? Give me a ring!)

I also got a cheap and unimpressive (but functional, I think) external mic, so there will be another video post in the very near future. I can’t say exactly when, since we haven’t gotten to the “time” section of the Welsh lessons, but soon.

yove

I was picking the kid up from Not So’s office (he freaking LOVES it there, and Not So is lucky enough to work someplace that allows the occasional kid afternoon), and as we walked to the door Not So said his usual “I love you! Have a good day!” Ellison turned and said “I yove you! Have day!”

OMG DYING OF TEH CUTE.

Of course, he has still never said he yoves me, despite my persistent and varied exhortations. I even tried in the elevator on the way out of the office; a casual “Oh hey Ellison? I love you,” was, as usual, completely ignored. Sigh.

Still. So cute. “Have day!” Heeeeeeee.