in which my long unexplained absence remains long and without explanation

You’d think, after disappearing* for the better part of a month, that I’d have some elaborately concocted excuse for why I haven’t blogged or posted one of my hilarious** video clips. You’d think that, but you’d be wrong.

Among the excuses I could give (the business, the kid, the OMG SRSLY OUR BANK BALANCE IS WHAT?!?), the one that comes closest to explaining my inexplicable Lack of Post is completely superficial.

I mean that literally. Despite all my recent redesigns, my blog? Does not fill me with love.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. There are things I like about it. The video section, for example. I like that. Well – I don’t hate it, anyway, and that’s almost the same as like. But the handwriting is so played out, and I was never married to the color scheme to begin with, and the teal*** looks much, much different on, oh, 98.9% of monitors which are not mine (and different, in this case, is not better), and it’s just boring as fuck, and frankly I can barely stand to look at it.

There. Glad I got that out.

BUT I’m working on a sooper seekrit**** illustration/theme revamp thing which I might even finish sometime this century, assuming I don’t forget, lose interest, or die. So the blog love, it might come back. Maybe.

In the meantime I’m going to force myself to post, much in the way one forces small children to take a bite, JUST ONE BITE, OH MY GOD IT’S NOT MADE OF POISON and besides DON’T YOU LIKE CHICKEN?!?!!***** Because otherwise the not posting will turn into its own reason not to post, which will then compound my rabid dislike of my blog design, which will in turn develop feelers and teeth and wee little claws and eventually devour me in my sleep.

*I say ‘disappeared,’ but seriously, people, I am one of the most compulsively findable people I know.

**Other adjectives may apply.

***Yes, it’s supposed to be teal. Shut up.

****Not all that seekrit, apparently.

*****And the less said about that, the better.

and how might you be?

You know, I was going to post something substantive and clever, but then I realized that I left the diapers at home. The office is now somewhat…odoriferous. Thusly, I leave you with these three things:

1. I posted a new video rant – scroll down if you’re on my site, or go see it on Viddler, or look for it in your rss feed or whatever. Or ignore it completely. So many options! (Note: it looks like Viddler’s having some issues, so hang tight if you can’t see the video & try again later.)(Seems to be back up now…)

2. Is Russel T. Davies the UK’s answer to Joss Whedon? Discuss.

3. I have 61,300 words on my book. Who wants to make guesses on how many words I’ll cut in this round of edits? Winner gets to be a background character.

Off I go to decontaminate the toddler. Here’s hoping we have the elevator to ourselves!

yove

I was picking the kid up from Not So’s office (he freaking LOVES it there, and Not So is lucky enough to work someplace that allows the occasional kid afternoon), and as we walked to the door Not So said his usual “I love you! Have a good day!” Ellison turned and said “I yove you! Have day!”

OMG DYING OF TEH CUTE.

Of course, he has still never said he yoves me, despite my persistent and varied exhortations. I even tried in the elevator on the way out of the office; a casual “Oh hey Ellison? I love you,” was, as usual, completely ignored. Sigh.

Still. So cute. “Have day!” Heeeeeeee.

neither s nor sw

Not So is at SXSWi. I? Am not. He promises to get swag for me, though. Swag makes everything okay, even seven straight days of solo parenting.

Which is not as bad as all that, actually – Not So has been gone since Thursday morning, and today was kind of okay, as far as days go. (Note that I am skipping merrily over Thursday and Friday. This is not unintentional.) The kid and I went for a walk, did a little shopping…and before you get all eye-roll, keep in mind that my kid? LOVES to shop. Seriously. If we walk by the mall and don’t go in, he will throw himself toward the door with all his strength, wailing like we’re killing him. He is a weird kid. But yes, so, we shopped, and then we came home and he actually ate food, and then he took a marathon nap. Good day!

I had this ridiculous idea that I’d be able to get some writing done while Not So was away, but either all my writing talent has dried up or I just don’t have the wherewithal to concentrate when I am On Call. Which is…lame, right? How many single moms can produce an amazing array of matching words while toddler-wrangling? Anne Lamott comes to mind, but that’s just because of Operating Instructions; other moms do it all the time. Other moms, but not me. I feel so scattered and kind of brain-dead, and everything I’ve written in the past couple of days has been flat as week-old soda. (I do not say “pop.” This is because my parents raised me right.)(Shush, you can recognize hyperbole when you see it.)

The house, though, is quite clean, and I’ve taken two (two!) baths today, so all is not doom and gloom at chez Cranky. I miss Not So, and Ellison’s having a hard time sleeping, but we’re good. It’s taking a lot of energy for me to make progress on the projects we’ve got deadlining for work, but part of that is just that we got a new desk at the house – and, while I love it unreasonably and it totally serves its purpose (namely, to make the damned computer less of a focal point so I don’t spend my every waking moment on it), it’s not exactly conducive to marathon work sessions. Then again, neither is the toddler. Good thing we have an office!

Next year, I am totally going to SXSW, though. Even if the kid has to come with us.

the twos, they are terrible

I had heard about the Terrible Twos. They’re old wives’ tale quaint and antiquated, like when people would tell me not to reach above my head when I was pregnant. Hee, I thought. Surely my kid will sail on through his second year with his sunny disposition intact, and then we can be those annoying parents who are all “Oh, terrible twos? No, we didn’t have any of that.”

Then we spent the whole day with a toddler who looked like this (in varying stages of breakdown):

tantrum

Tantrum that lasted a whole day? Check! Falling apart when I asked him if he wanted a sandwich? Check! Screaming and flailing when we told him that no, we would not be going to daddy’s office because we were, in fact, with daddy at the time (and the office was closed)? OMG WHY DO YOU HATE BABIES??

He finally took a nap, after literally screaming himself into exhaustion. Have I mentioned that we live in an apartment? I can only imagine the degree to which our neighbors loathe us right now.

So, yes. Terrible Twos? Not so much an old wives’ tale. Or maybe it was because I lifted my arms above my head before he was born…

above my means

Zen as I might be about socioeconomic status, there’s still a part of me that gets off on being able to Afford Things. Nice things. Things like my prettypretty BlackBerry Pearl or our multitude of Apple products. That part of me really, really wants to join this snooty athletic club that’s $100 a month and totally, completely impractical. But they totally offer childcare, and the idea of paying someone to watch my kid while I take a yoga class? Compelling. (See, because when I leave him with Not So for no reason except that there’s something I ‘want’ to do, I always feel guilty. Yes yes, I know, therapy would help with these things. But – another reason to feel guilty! You see my dilemma.)

big boy bedI’m starting to feel a little bit like our lives are getting managable, which – hey, there’s a reason I take meds, you know? When just getting out of bed in the morning seems huge and untenable, it’s kind of a big deal to think that things might actually be okay, kind of. It was cleaning the house that did it. We’ve got this great apartment that I love unreasonably (well, except for the permeating smell of Rice Junkies that greets me every morning), but it’s jammed so full of stuff that it might as well be a storage unit. But Not So went all MacGyver on the stuff in Ellison’s room this weekend, so not only is all our old crap hidden successfully in the closet, we finally got to assemble the kid’s toddler bed! And, dude, don’t even get me started on how exciting it is to think that someday in the possibly near future I may be able to sleep through the night again. In any position I want. I can barely contain my potential bliss.

Next step is to get our room whipped into shape. This is a bit more complicated than it sounds, since we’re waiting to be able to afford these cheap-but-cute wardrobes from Ikea so that I can stop keeping my clothes in a big ol’ Rubbermaid storage bin and actually explore the idea of drawers.

i am, therefore i craft

lulu's heart: removable!So I’m doing the February Crafty Mamas Bazaar at Milagros. I haven’t done one in a looooong time, so it should be really fun. ‘Course, it means I need to make more toys, which (in turn) means I need more felt. Lots more felt. More felt, and more batting. Hello, shopping list!

I’d update with something substantive, but I’ve had this same damned headache for more than a week, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s lost much of its charm. And so have I! Plus, my kid just scribbled all over our new couch with a pen, and the atmosphere in my house is now somewhat strained. Bah. This is what we get for having a sand-colored couch and a toddler, all at the same time.

Maybe I will crochet today.