Me: It’s raining? It’s not supposed to rain today.
Ellison: I will call the King of the Weather. (Dials onto his hand, holds it up to his ear.) Hello, King of the Weather? It’s Ellison. Can we have a sunny day please?
King of the Weather (deep Ellison voice): No. Today will be chilly and gray.
Ellison (normal voice): Aaw, man.

Me: Do you know what a bar is?
Ellison: Yes.
Me: OK, what is it?
Ellison: It’s a grownup place, where grownups get soda.

Ellison: I walked on the tightrope and I didn’t even fall off!
Me: Wow! Are you going to join the circus?
Ellison: No. Silly mama. I’m not going to join the circus until I’m 16.

We may need to revisit this plan.

Ellison: I’m going to stay with you forever.
Me: What about when you grow up? Don’t you think you’ll want your own place?
Ellison: No. I’ll just want to live with my mama.
Me: What about when you get married?
Ellison: (thinking) No. I will just live with my mama. AND my wife.

what this city needs

matt: i wish we had some bacon or ham or something
matt: mostly bacon

me: baaaaaacon
me: i think bacon is what i need to get better

matt: totally
matt: bacon delivery?

me: that is what this city needs
me:24 hour on-demand bacon delivery

matt: yeah
matt: plus donuts

Me: California wants to turn Neverland into a state park.
Matt: A steak farm?
Me: What?
Matt: A magical place where you can go and pluck steaks off trees?
Me: STATE PARK.
Matt: State…park? What about a state park? I want to go to the steak farm!